7.8.2010

If our Gods and our hopes are nothing but scientific phenomena, then let us admit it must be said that our love is scientific as well.

 

I don't know everything in me and I don't know everything in you.

But sometimes I don't feel secure.

If I have super nature like telepathy, then what a miserable life I am living in. Isn't it a nightmare? We all have secrets, the part we want to hold back. It's either too holy and pure, or too nasty and ugly. Don't you think that has always been the dark side of human nature? It may be the seven deadly sins. Pride, Envy, Wrath, Sloth, Greed, Gluttony, Lust. Or it'd be the cut that will never heal.

See, it's still bleeding.

I want to hold in tight to those loving memories and never let them be loose. Cherish them and have courage in my heart. We are not going to live eternal. Too few things could I have.

Is life always this hard, or is it just when you're a kid? Always like this.

 

Alle Menschen sind gleich aber mansche sind gleicher.

7.7.2010

    缘分是何等宝贵的东西。

Predestined relationship is something we’d respect and pray for.  I don't even know whether it’s the right way to say this in English.

I went to Lin'an Orphanage yesterday, where my host sister was from. Last year my host family had two girls that are adopted from China. One of them was from Lin'an Orphanage in Hangzhou(That's where I am from). In May, my host parents came to China to adopt another boy. We found out that orphanage and that was the one my mom's workplace has always been donating to. So on their way, they visited my parents and the orphanage. That was so touching to me. Unfortunately I couldn't go because my visa wouldn't allow me. I have to go and visit. It's like a call from heart. 

7.6.2010

       新東方終於結束了，不會再見到那群八卦托福狂和瘋狂SAT。一年以來最辛苦的三個星期罷。

嗚呼！今天竟然不用去上課，聽起來不可思議的很。

把自己的根從床上拔起來，走到樓下的時候發現雨已經下完了，潮濕悶熱。錢塘江上晨霧很大。看不清江面，水位確是很低，可以看得見淺癱。

匆匆忙忙吃完早飯開始做哪些瑣碎的事。然後背單詞。萬惡的托福。今天從a看到m變興趣全無。

從中午到下午雨一直下個不停。走過橋的時候爸爸忽然和我說今天的湖比較乾淨，平常都很髒。自然，那是死水。水位也很低。人不走動走動的話也許就會生鏽，腐爛，消失。不過死水是人工的，人是自然的。自然的東西自我修復能力向來好於人工，不過產品質量沒什麼保證，無三證。

下午聽了一首歌《Mama（Ana Ahabak）》 。德語老師推薦的反戰歌曲。Ana Ahabak 是阿拉伯語的我愛你。中東戰火中離家失所的母女倆。Christina Stürmer的聲音很硬朗，少了女性的陰柔。歌詞聽懂了便很難過。在美國的時候會尤為思念家鄉。戰爭是一件我不懂而殘酷的事情。而它不會停止，只要人類存在。

Und warum gehn wir nicht nach Haus? (And why do we not go home?)

Mama Ana Ahabak, ich sehe die Sterne nicht (Mama, I love you, I don't see the stars)

Mama Ana Ahabak, ich sehe nur dein Gesicht (Mama, I love you, I only see your face)

回家後爸爸依然咳嗽不止，飯後即陪他去醫院看急診。抽血的時候他有些不敢看，我緊緊握住他的手。他像個小孩一樣怕針怕藥。白駒過隙，時光荏苒，我在長大，他們在變老。對我來說，自從外婆住院以來，變愈發覺得和家人在一起的時間越來越少，而這些回憶也彌足珍貴。他們是我最重要的人。也許有一天，在未來的時間點，可能在另外的半球，親人和我便陰陽倆隔，我不想後悔說我表達出的唉不夠多。我不要愛在心口難開。那都是痛苦的回憶。

很多時候微小的事情會令人快樂。也不必為一些轉瞬即逝的生氣在意。

"It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us, we were all going direct to heaven, we were all going direct the other way - in short, the period was so far like the present period, that some of its noisiest authorities insisted on its being received, for good or for evil, in the superlative degree of comparison only."

——Charles Dickens, A tale of two cities

Here the journey begins

I've been thinking about writing a diary since last year, publically. And TODAY is the day.

This will probably be a bilingual or multilingual diary, just to practice languages and provide a place to share my emotion and thoughts.

Anyway, here I am.

Here the journey begins.